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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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First thing, I hit the market on Caledonia Rd. You know, the one with the freshest produce? I’m talkin’ ripe tomatoes, sweet plantains, and the best yams. I was feelin’ good, ready to slice some meat and make magic happen. But then, bam! My supplier calls. “Yo, no pork today.” What?! No pork? That’s like a party without music! I was fumin’.

Bomb threat results in closure of JPS Villa Road Mandeville office